UPDATE: This RE Modder's book begins to go on sale!
Jul 27, 2015 11:58:26 GMT 10
reituolc and JKap like this
Post by egglesplork on Jul 27, 2015 11:58:26 GMT 10
Update:
www.createspace.com/5599236
____THE BOOK'S ROLLOUT BEGINS! My claws are still bloody from
getting those jokers to start sellin' my book. Anyway... First they're
gonna put that crap on Createspace.com. Now they're startin' to
organize with Amazon.com, Kindle, and whatever to get my book
on sale there. Three to five days, they said. Yeah, THAT'S why
I haven't been moddin' games this past year or so. I'm too busy
moddin' dudes' minds with literature--if you call a book including
cannibalism, zombie politicians, and cocaine-snorting lawyer dads
literature.
_____What now? I'm talkin' to my bosses now to get some vacation
time to talk to some marketing dudes for advertising and crap!
You know what this means? If I make enough cash from my writing,
then I could have f_cktons of free time! Then I could do all kinds of
crap INCLUDING modding. I can dream... And I'm workin' for that
dream.
Old Post:
_____Like I said, I moved to Florida and started workin' on a novel.
Mmm... Tropical weather, beaches, beach-babes, tasty little lizards,
this place is awesome. So this novel was done. So were two others.
But anyway, this one is my biggest, baddest, angriest work yet!
_____What, still reading this? Why aren't you playing RE Revelations 2?
Okay, good. Must mean you wanna know what the book is about. Or
not. I can't get you to hang around and listen... SNIFF! NOBODY CARES!
_____So if you DO care... Okay, here goes. The book is written in
a lunatic style that nobody else uses. It's about this demon who gets
sucked down to Earth from a parallel universe. The demon takes over
the dead body of a cheerleader and decides to start a punk-rock band!
Trouble is, all those other freaks that the demon made angry in her
past life? Yeah, they want her in a bad way. They want her ass DEAD.
Ass-headed mutants, little gray freaks, Lord-of-The Rings reject demon
hunters, they're all out to get her.
____Meanwhile, I'm still wrestling with Create Space to get my book
listed. They say they can put it on Amazon, Kindle, whatever. But
I'm not seeing it. I'm also working on my next one--cyborgs, mercenaries,
Russian dictators, it's like GHOST IN THE SHELL meets TOM CLANCY, basically.
And to think I have two more books ready to publish--one of them without
a title. If you wanna read the opening of my novel, scroll down. It's got
f_ck-tons of naughty language, just so you know.
------------------------------------------------------------
Prelude
Not long ago, in a galaxy not far away...somebody was doing some seriously fucked-up shit. Somebody, something, it all depends on your definition of what makes a person. Some people might say that only humans are people because only humans have sense. No such things as aliens, demons, ghosts, mutants, vampires, alien-demons, demonic-ghosts, ghostly mutants, mutant-vampires, or even alien-demon-ghost-mutant-vampires. You cock-tard humans say that only humans count for people, and that's fucking racist.
That’s okay, because this demon was fucking racist against human fuck-tards too—or would be if dealing with cunt-shits like you. Yup, cunt-shits, because that's the part of women that humans come from. Human spawn are born out the same end of a body that dumps feces and piss. Having a baby? More like, taking a dump right up there on the doctor's table.
Not humans at the moment, the entity was battling a bunch of little gray fucks. You know, the gray fucks with the great big oval heads and big black eyes, big noggins on little stumpy bodies that looked too weak to hold up their gourds. Walkin' around naked like they forgot about clothes technology after inventing flying saucers.
Blue energy bolts whipped through the air of this future-shit starbase hallway as the little gray fucks were blasting in this direction with their oddly shaped weapons. Oddly shaped to human eyes. To the little gray fucks, it was perfectly normal to have weapons that looked like electric shavers. That way, they’re easy to hold in their nasty little three-fingered hands.
Meanwhile, this demon was crouching behind a pile of little gray corpses. They all so happened to have bits and pieces of themselves missing after the demon had used telekinesis to rip them a new asshole.
Blue energy bolts hissed and sizzled against this corpse pile, more energy shipts zipping overhead. In other words, the little gray fucks coudn't shoot for shit.
“Why can’t you cuntless wonders learn to aim!” shouted the demon. “Too damn busy circle-jerking each other, that's why!”
Their response was to fire some more. Showing that they had something like tactical sense, they intensified their attacks so much that a charred hole began to form in the pile of little gray corpses. Concentrated their weapons fire, corpses turning to ash, and the pile of little gray corpses shifted. Keep that up, and they just might hit somebody.
“Fu-u-u-u-uck!” shouted the demon, using telekinesis to pick up one of the dead things and fling it down the metal corridor.
The carcass bounced off the ceiling and smacked a little gray fuck in the head. Hard enough to make the fucker's head explode.
That left the still-standing little gray fucks completely discombobulated. Shock and awe, dudes. They were all like, Holy dick-sausage in cunt-sauce! Did you see that!
That also meant they stopped shooting, so the demon used the opportunity to stand up and use its telekinesis to pick up two of the little gray fucks. In old-time action movies, a hero would just clunk their heads together, make a corny-ass one liner, and then slink on to infiltrate the main bad guy’s hideout. Then the main bad guy would spout some shit about having the perfect plan to take over the world and it would all have been perfect if it wasn’t for those pesky kids…and that stupid dog.
But the demon was no hero. Instead of a ca-clunk of two noggins, there was more a ker-splack as the big gray heads burst like heads bursting. Some bluish-dark alien-blood and slimy alien-brains splattered to the metal walls and ceiling, then dripping down to the metal floor.
“You two should get together more often,” snarled the demon, "especially since you love giving each other head." Close enough for a one-liner. Besides, there were some other little gray fucks left to fuck over.
Before the little surviving gray fucks could get the Hell out of here, the demon’s telekinesis took hold of them by their stubby little gray legs. They valiantly tried aiming and firing at the enemy. Being upside-down and twirling around, they only managed to blast each other. One of them shot off an arm. Another one shot a leg.
“Cost you an arm and a leg,” went the demon. Infernal laughter filled the corridor. “Rrrgh-hrrr-hrr…! Is that not a laugh riot! A knee-slapper! A real hum-dinger! What the fuck is a hum-dinger anyway? And what were they smoking when they came up with that?”
Those creatures bled out because their little gray bodies could only hold so much. Too bad, so sad, those fucks are as good as fucked. What else are little gray fucks good for? They can try to shoot demons, and they can just keep dying. Didn’t mean that they wouldn’t try, because the demon had to be stopped.
The demon was responsible for the deaths of billions of sentient beings. Entire planets were destroyed at the demon’s whim. Before starfighters could be scrambled, the demon’s darkship would go zipping off to some other Satan-forsaken corner of the galaxy to just do the whole damned thing all over again.
But to all the other sentient beings in the galaxy, this was getting to be a pretty old and tiresome problem. Having billions of beings killed and inhabitable planets destroyed is inconvenient. They're talking about fighting a demon. How do you kill something that can blow up planets?
That’s easy. You kill something by killing it. Death by killing, that is the preferable way of disposing of enemies to the galaxy.
www.createspace.com/5599236
____THE BOOK'S ROLLOUT BEGINS! My claws are still bloody from
getting those jokers to start sellin' my book. Anyway... First they're
gonna put that crap on Createspace.com. Now they're startin' to
organize with Amazon.com, Kindle, and whatever to get my book
on sale there. Three to five days, they said. Yeah, THAT'S why
I haven't been moddin' games this past year or so. I'm too busy
moddin' dudes' minds with literature--if you call a book including
cannibalism, zombie politicians, and cocaine-snorting lawyer dads
literature.
_____What now? I'm talkin' to my bosses now to get some vacation
time to talk to some marketing dudes for advertising and crap!
You know what this means? If I make enough cash from my writing,
then I could have f_cktons of free time! Then I could do all kinds of
crap INCLUDING modding. I can dream... And I'm workin' for that
dream.
Old Post:
_____Like I said, I moved to Florida and started workin' on a novel.
Mmm... Tropical weather, beaches, beach-babes, tasty little lizards,
this place is awesome. So this novel was done. So were two others.
But anyway, this one is my biggest, baddest, angriest work yet!
_____What, still reading this? Why aren't you playing RE Revelations 2?
Okay, good. Must mean you wanna know what the book is about. Or
not. I can't get you to hang around and listen... SNIFF! NOBODY CARES!
_____So if you DO care... Okay, here goes. The book is written in
a lunatic style that nobody else uses. It's about this demon who gets
sucked down to Earth from a parallel universe. The demon takes over
the dead body of a cheerleader and decides to start a punk-rock band!
Trouble is, all those other freaks that the demon made angry in her
past life? Yeah, they want her in a bad way. They want her ass DEAD.
Ass-headed mutants, little gray freaks, Lord-of-The Rings reject demon
hunters, they're all out to get her.
____Meanwhile, I'm still wrestling with Create Space to get my book
listed. They say they can put it on Amazon, Kindle, whatever. But
I'm not seeing it. I'm also working on my next one--cyborgs, mercenaries,
Russian dictators, it's like GHOST IN THE SHELL meets TOM CLANCY, basically.
And to think I have two more books ready to publish--one of them without
a title. If you wanna read the opening of my novel, scroll down. It's got
f_ck-tons of naughty language, just so you know.
------------------------------------------------------------
Prelude
Not long ago, in a galaxy not far away...somebody was doing some seriously fucked-up shit. Somebody, something, it all depends on your definition of what makes a person. Some people might say that only humans are people because only humans have sense. No such things as aliens, demons, ghosts, mutants, vampires, alien-demons, demonic-ghosts, ghostly mutants, mutant-vampires, or even alien-demon-ghost-mutant-vampires. You cock-tard humans say that only humans count for people, and that's fucking racist.
That’s okay, because this demon was fucking racist against human fuck-tards too—or would be if dealing with cunt-shits like you. Yup, cunt-shits, because that's the part of women that humans come from. Human spawn are born out the same end of a body that dumps feces and piss. Having a baby? More like, taking a dump right up there on the doctor's table.
Not humans at the moment, the entity was battling a bunch of little gray fucks. You know, the gray fucks with the great big oval heads and big black eyes, big noggins on little stumpy bodies that looked too weak to hold up their gourds. Walkin' around naked like they forgot about clothes technology after inventing flying saucers.
Blue energy bolts whipped through the air of this future-shit starbase hallway as the little gray fucks were blasting in this direction with their oddly shaped weapons. Oddly shaped to human eyes. To the little gray fucks, it was perfectly normal to have weapons that looked like electric shavers. That way, they’re easy to hold in their nasty little three-fingered hands.
Meanwhile, this demon was crouching behind a pile of little gray corpses. They all so happened to have bits and pieces of themselves missing after the demon had used telekinesis to rip them a new asshole.
Blue energy bolts hissed and sizzled against this corpse pile, more energy shipts zipping overhead. In other words, the little gray fucks coudn't shoot for shit.
“Why can’t you cuntless wonders learn to aim!” shouted the demon. “Too damn busy circle-jerking each other, that's why!”
Their response was to fire some more. Showing that they had something like tactical sense, they intensified their attacks so much that a charred hole began to form in the pile of little gray corpses. Concentrated their weapons fire, corpses turning to ash, and the pile of little gray corpses shifted. Keep that up, and they just might hit somebody.
“Fu-u-u-u-uck!” shouted the demon, using telekinesis to pick up one of the dead things and fling it down the metal corridor.
The carcass bounced off the ceiling and smacked a little gray fuck in the head. Hard enough to make the fucker's head explode.
That left the still-standing little gray fucks completely discombobulated. Shock and awe, dudes. They were all like, Holy dick-sausage in cunt-sauce! Did you see that!
That also meant they stopped shooting, so the demon used the opportunity to stand up and use its telekinesis to pick up two of the little gray fucks. In old-time action movies, a hero would just clunk their heads together, make a corny-ass one liner, and then slink on to infiltrate the main bad guy’s hideout. Then the main bad guy would spout some shit about having the perfect plan to take over the world and it would all have been perfect if it wasn’t for those pesky kids…and that stupid dog.
But the demon was no hero. Instead of a ca-clunk of two noggins, there was more a ker-splack as the big gray heads burst like heads bursting. Some bluish-dark alien-blood and slimy alien-brains splattered to the metal walls and ceiling, then dripping down to the metal floor.
“You two should get together more often,” snarled the demon, "especially since you love giving each other head." Close enough for a one-liner. Besides, there were some other little gray fucks left to fuck over.
Before the little surviving gray fucks could get the Hell out of here, the demon’s telekinesis took hold of them by their stubby little gray legs. They valiantly tried aiming and firing at the enemy. Being upside-down and twirling around, they only managed to blast each other. One of them shot off an arm. Another one shot a leg.
“Cost you an arm and a leg,” went the demon. Infernal laughter filled the corridor. “Rrrgh-hrrr-hrr…! Is that not a laugh riot! A knee-slapper! A real hum-dinger! What the fuck is a hum-dinger anyway? And what were they smoking when they came up with that?”
Those creatures bled out because their little gray bodies could only hold so much. Too bad, so sad, those fucks are as good as fucked. What else are little gray fucks good for? They can try to shoot demons, and they can just keep dying. Didn’t mean that they wouldn’t try, because the demon had to be stopped.
The demon was responsible for the deaths of billions of sentient beings. Entire planets were destroyed at the demon’s whim. Before starfighters could be scrambled, the demon’s darkship would go zipping off to some other Satan-forsaken corner of the galaxy to just do the whole damned thing all over again.
But to all the other sentient beings in the galaxy, this was getting to be a pretty old and tiresome problem. Having billions of beings killed and inhabitable planets destroyed is inconvenient. They're talking about fighting a demon. How do you kill something that can blow up planets?
That’s easy. You kill something by killing it. Death by killing, that is the preferable way of disposing of enemies to the galaxy.